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Monday 8 July 2013

A Case of New



















Virgin jokes, virgin smiles
Virgin hooker tries to coax my virgin pants down

Virgin recipes, virgin meals
Virgin cook caused my virgin tummy to not sit still

Virgin cork, virgin wine
Virgin bottle turned me into a virgin swine

Virgin looks, virgin frowns
Virgin artist color me up like a virgin clown

Virgin hems, virgin sews
Virgin dress me up like a shapeless throw

Virgin strums, virgin plucks
Virgin music an ukulele with not much luck 

Virgin smiles, virgin grins
Virgin suffers from a severe case of silly mygrin

Virgin winks, virgin knows
Virgin goes thru life like a virgin crow

And guess what? That's mighty virgin fine too!

*mygrin - opposite of migraine. To be struck with a silly grin all of a sudden, and one that takes a while to go away!

Friday 5 July 2013

Dirty Dick

Dirty Dick digged and found a dict
Trying to understand his name
For what is a Dick when called a dick
Wouldn't you wonder the same?

For a dict's a dict whether back to front
A dick's a dick, no matter which son of a gun

And so digged did Dirty Dick into that dict
And found did, dill, dip, dish and dice
He then saw his name under faint moonlight
And realised its meaning wasn't quite so nice

For a dict's a dict whether back to front
A dick's a dick, no matter which son of a gun

Dirty Dick scratched his head 
Dirty Dick scratched his crawl
So that's why they had all laughed
That's why they had all bawled

For a dict's a dict whether back to front
A dick's a dick, no matter which son of a gun

"Dirty Dick no girl would want!"
"Dirty Dick never washed under the sun!"
"Dirty's Dick is rotted and gone!"
"Dirty Dick's fly is open and undone!"

For a dict's a dict whether back to front
A dick's a dick, no matter which son of a gun

Dirty Dick he undigged the dict
Placed it back where it is hid and snug
No dog should dig nor doggerel it
The dict that gave Dirty Dick his newfound drug

For a dict's a dict whether back to front
A dick's a dick, no matter which son of a gun

"A word a day is what I need
From A-Z and there back again
But first a new name is in order
No more jokes, no more pain!"

For a dict's a dict whether back to front
A dick's a dick, no matter which son of a gun

Dirty Dick then jumped into water
He scrubbed and he doubly rinsed
He took soap to his nether regions
And washed his dirty dick clean

For a dict's a dict whether back to front
A dick's a dick, no matter which son of a gun

"Look look, Dirty Dick's clean!" they say
"What a whistle! Look at him gleam!"
Dirty Dick smiled and coolly announced
"I am dirty no more, I am clean!"

For a dict's a dict whether back to front
A dick's a dick, no matter which son of a gun

"Dirty Dick is my name no more!"
"Call me Webster Web or Thesaurus Dict"
"A word a day is my proposed cure"
"Webster T Dict, is a dict I dig."

For a dict's a dict whether back to front
A dick's a dick, no matter which son of a gun

"He's Webster Dict, Webster Dict!"
"Never seen a more wetter dick"
"Wetter Dick, Wetter Dick..."
"Jumped into the river to wash his dick!"

For a dict's a dict whether back to front
A dick's a dick, no matter which son of a gun

Moral of the story: Dig a Dict but Wet no Dick. A Wet Dick Did Dirty Dick no Decent Deed. Nor Did Web the Dict even if Dick Digged Dict so Dick is Dirty no More! 

Thursday 4 July 2013

Yoga Is Fun



















Yoga yoga very fun
Bend down over kiss my bun
Cricked my neck got stuck like that
The whole class laughed, sneered, clapped

Stuck like that, stuck like that
Stuck like Monkey
Wearing his butt for a hat!

Yoga yoga very fun
Lift my leg and touch the sun
Kneed my eye and got black eye
The whole class laughed, all teary eyed

Banged like that, banged like that
Banged like bat
Flying into a two-inch crack!

Yoga yoga very fun
Sit on floor no need t'run
One leg here one arm there
Someone's arm, someone's hair!

Twisted like that, twisted like that
Twisted like pretzel
Me, you and who's that?

Wednesday 3 July 2013

Parent



















A thousand miles our fathers walk;
A thousand clothes our mothers wash;
So to put meats on the rack;
Clean clothes on our backs.

Nary a reward they ask;
Nary a complaint they voice;
The smiles of their children their joy;
Their laughter a soothing oil.

Till bones bent and muscles weak;
They see them marry and babies born;
So their mantle they pass it on;
And hum life's splendid retiring song.