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| A full bull penis (Sup Torpedo) |
Oh Hameed, what did you do?
Took my thing and made Sup Torpedo
Now Daisy the cow is all upset
I was all ready to make her nest
Now calflings there'll be none
No more Happy Hour under the sun
Oh Hameed, you horrid rascal
Took the thing that let me bustle
So an unusual sup you could make
People thinking "Is that snake?"
Now I wander the prairie alone
Staring mournfully at the moon
A ghost of a limb cut from me
Still hinting strongly between my knees
So then, what now brown cow?
That I'm turned from from stud to sow
Farmer John is not a happy man
Seeing his prized bull kenna maimed
So he sought to maketh me whole again
And visits the barn 50 Shades of Jane
A dildo it is called
And mighty its size and all
Studded here, studded there
Glows in the night like some neon bear
When Farmer John strapped me on
Daisy sweetheart gasped and swooned
I found I could bellow loud once more
Waking creatures from here to Singapore
Hameed I did chase and he stumble
Over him I did stand and angrily rumble
"Hameed, here comes your due!
For turning my sausage into stew!"
Hameed let out a mighty scream
A four-foot dildo making his assacream
From that day onwards no more sup
Just Hameed opening durians selling pulp
For now he has seen the light
Never make sup with a bull's delight
What I now have you cannot eat nor chew
But I could still give Daisy her wanton due
And Farmer John he be praised
For returning this bull his bedroom mace
As for the barn Fifty Shades of Jane
Everybody cast off their bedroom shame
Bought a whip, a harness or a pitchfork
Started masking in overtight Batman frock
Quite a sight to see you will agree
I'm glad I am a bull and not some bedroom sickie
- by TC Lai
(Sup Hameed, Penang Rd, Penang. Photo credit: Peter Yeoh)
Note: No animals were harmed in writing this poem. But I did find a 4-ft dildo in a shop somewhere in Hannover. Lost my way and found myself in a red light district in a green-lit shop. This monstrosity can only be a farm implement, right? Even my Aussie host who lived on a farm was astounded. Afterwards, we did manage to find the Irish pub we were looking for to celebrate St Patrick's Day. In any case, Roald Dahl's My Uncle Oswald is a hoot to read and rather related to bulls and reproductive stuff. Enjoy! (Sup is Malay for soup.)
