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Wednesday 26 December 2018

Row Boat Cop



RowBoatCop

Row row row my boat

Gently down the stream
Verily verily verily
Life is not what I've dreamed

Row row row my boat
I seemed to have another life
Seemingly seemingly seemingly
I had a kid and a wife

Row row row my boat
I also seemed to have a badassed gun
Boomingly boomingly boomingly
It shot up bad guys nicely on the run

Row row row my boat
My bottom's welded to the deck
Chillingly chillingly chillingly
My bionic dick is always cold and wet

Row row row my boat
Here's the unpleasant thing
Rustily rustily rustily
The salt water's getting into my seams

Row...Row...Row my boat
Oh I'm stiffening mightily
Miserably miserably miserably
I'm left stuck with no WD40

Sit sit sit in my boat
All sunbeat and weather toiled
Bobbingly bobbingly bobbingly
I've become an expensive ocean buoy

- by TC Lai, 24th Dec 2018

A poem written in response to that funny image posted to Science Fiction Singapore FB group. 

Saturday 1 December 2018

Friend, Why So Stubborn?


[Sung to The Sound of Silence]

Hello Ho Ching my old friend
I see you're in the limelight once again
Wearing those same old blouse and pants
Dignitaries must wonder about your fashion sense
And it's a vision that's been badly seared in my brain
It still remains
Why, my dear girl, are you so stubborn?

In fashion halls you walk alone
Critics quietly throw a sartorial stone
Cause you are the PM's wife
They cannot criticise with this fake news vibe
To say how they feel and why you must see the light
With the fashion elite
But my friend, you are stubborn

Probably in the naked light you saw
One ah soh thick at waist and more
So a blouse and pants is best option
No need slim figure for a svelte cheongsam
But you know you at times look like an auntie on a sunday stroll
They look better, I am told
So please, don't be so stubborn

I know it's not tattered nor knitted poor
With slippers made by a MINDS affiliated girl
But you must know we've seen it all before
At dinners ONE, TWO, THREE and FOUR
So can you please mix it up so we need not heave nor throw up
At your sartorial sense
When your salary, can buy you a few Mercedes Benzes

You know it is quite insane
To be out always in same garment plan
What if a waitress wears the same exact garb
You gotta run and hide under a tarp
To avoid the shame you need to think more than just a little bit
Not dress like a robotic twit
So, my friend, why are you so stubborn?

Do you see me wear the same old clothes
At work, conferences or meeting my blokes
There's a time for every choice
A suitable design par for any course
So don't tell me Singapore fashion is such an utter bore
We have MOMA fashions galore
But my friend, you are stubborn

- by TC Lai

Note: Apparently the clutch bag she's holding in the pix is made by an autistic child from a Pathlight school. It is a great thing to do, but why not make it a gift to the other First Ladies?