Tuesday, 16 September 2014

The Sound of Music Songs

These songs were written on a whim from some SBM FB posting request. The titles were actually made up in jest but since they was requested as songs, I wrote them out just for fun (thanks, Lay Lian). Hope it resonates, and have fun singing along. ;-)

(Sung to Edelweiss)

Eatchapchye, Eatchapchye
Every lunchtime you''ll see me
Sweet and sour, heavy or light
Just one dish won't fill me
Kung pow chicken, you are nice to know
Nice to know forever
Eatchapchye, Eatchapchye
Stay good-and-cheap forever!

Eatchapchye, Eatchapchye
Many dishes to choose from
Steamed or fried, stewed or diced
Stacked so nicely with white rice
Tapow or eat there, whatever the choice
Don't forget the chilli
Eatchapchye, Eatchapchye
Save money to marry!

- by TC Lai *Chap chye is mixed rice, or "geng jai fun" - economic rice - in Cantonese, a popular kind of food stall in food centers or kopitiams in Singapore where many dishes are cooked up for selection, often eaten with white or brown. Cost? Between $2 - $3. Some serve up plain white porridge as well. The vegetarian stalls would also have fried beehoon as an option.

So Long, Kway Teow
(Sung to So Long, Farewell)

There's a sad sort of clanging from the wok in the stall
And the plates from the kitchen too
And there at the tables is a sad customer
That's getting up to say, "Mai retire, eh sai bo, eh sai bo?"
Fed-up Ah Pek he tells us but firmly he's decided so
To say goodbye to you

So long, farewell, I won't fry your stupid kway teow
I love to go and sit down for awhile
So long, farewell, you and your phototaking
Shoo shoo, siam siam, mai come and charp me
I'm glad to go, find a retirement home to die
I'm stiff, I cough, I always have to pee
My son, he say he doesn't want to take over

So long, farewell, I won't fry your stupid kway teow
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

- by TC Lai *some words are in the Hokkien dialect. Kway teow is thick/flat, white vermicelli noodles.

(Sung to the tune of Do Re Mi)

Let's start at the very beginning
A very good place to start
What you need is Indo-mie
What you get is go-reng-mi
Go-reng-mi, go-reng-mi
The first three things just happen to be
Indo-mie, sauce chilli
Cook for three minutes till ready!
Let's see if I can make it easier

Zhou, is rice, a very wet rice
Muay, is you crying into zhou 
Mee, is tame unless with gems
Far, is a stall you never tried
So, is pastry with charsiew
La, is spicy till can cry
Teh, a drink with prata bread
That will bring us back to... 

Dough, is bread, to make your own
Deh, you eat you never pay
Mee, again, you'll put on weight
Fart, is you not giving me face
Sow, is trotter in vinegar
La, is lala that you joot
Teh, a drink you must tarik
That will bring us back to dough! (Dough, dough, dough...)

Dough leave me fart so loud till dog smell me, so don't!  

- TC Lai *Note: Zhou is porridge, muay is plain watery porridge

Wednesday, 10 September 2014

A Fave Wanton Mee

(Sung to Bee Gees' First of May)

When I was young the wanton mee was fine
We used to eat while mommy/daddy pay;
Now we are tall and go to another stall 
The wanton mee seller he passed away

And so for a while, we ate noodle instant-style
Our memory like our taste faded away
Of that olden style we could not fathom how
Until someone recooked  from yesterday

So I am glad and neighbours are not sad
That the wanton mee is not that bad
And I recall the day I wasn't tall
When the wanton mee was perfect, see

So don't be sore the charsiew look a bore
The taste is fine and the soup's divine
The price is right won't give you a fright
And you won't choke as the wanton is quite shiok

When I was young the wanton mee was fine
Do do do do do do do do do.....

A Child Was Told

Share a happy tear and make a wish, a child was told
Because this flower rarely opens

It chanced upon your being here
And sought to show you its fleeting beauty

So bless with it your soul, my dear dear child
That you and it may be in space-time entwined

That when the flower does indeed perish shortly
Your soul its beauty be thus be made divine

And reborn a part of you once more will be, the child was told
In another place in another time

When again someone smiles upon the same flower so
Your karma will be enriched a thousand times

The End - by TC Lai

Thursday, 4 September 2014

Peas in a Pod

Peas in a pod, peas in a pod
We are both peas in a pod
Married too long
Singing the same same song
We are both peas in a pod
Folks say we look alike
Walking the same same stride
We are both peas in a pod
Hope to live, hope to die
Embracing in same same desire
We are both peas in a pod

Saturday, 26 July 2014

Love Me Blender

Love me blender
Love me treats
Like that ripe mango
You have made my life complete
With all things phyto

Love me blender
Love me juice
All my dreams fulfilled
For that extra kick or two
I will add a dill

Love me blender
Love its song
That sings to my heart
It is quite the art

Love me blender
Love its truth
Fruits are Nature's gift
Just like Darwin he observed
Evolution's neat! 

Love me blender
Love it near
I will not lend out
Can't chance it getting spoilt
I will then freak out

Love me blender
Love its spout
Pouring out good stuff
I hope it will last the years
I haven't juiced enough!

Tuesday, 15 July 2014

Durian Party Girls

I met a girl called Ang Hae
Her face always red and angry
And then there was Ho Lor
She was pretty but rather 'chor lor'

Along came Cheh Phoay Kia
Macham sam seng kia
Her real name was Chow Ah Lian
But we also called her Chow Lew Lian

I spent a week with lovely Gan Ja
Can't really remember what we did
We just smoked, and ate durians
And played siao Jenga with the seeds

But guess who walked in on us?
A girl we called Chup Yit Lao
She's skinny like two bamboo poles
Cause she's having ganja and nothing else

And who can forget Ka Pi Li
She was rather well endowed
But one side big, one side small
Pai kuah like ION Orchard Mall!

Her sister Xiao Hung was much better
Not too big, not too small
Sometimes cannot be too greedy
Mouth not big why ask for more???

D2 was a girl we met at disco nite
Shakes her head like on Ecstasy
Also make that "deetoo deetoo" sound
Wah lau eh, like that sibeh scary!

Ms D24 no need to say
Was a girl who blocked our view
Serving beer when we watched football
No Messi, only got mountain view!

Every drinking nite we meet Ang Bak Kia
Who, I think, never sleeps
Walks around with her eyes red red
I think she shud star in The Walking Dead!

My fave companion is Kan Bao Hung
But she can seldom sit beside me
You see, she is hot hostess at KTV
All the lao uncle chope, I sibeh envy

So I settle for Ms Cheh Phoay 15
Ms Kan's somewhat pretty colleague
She's rather green and inexperienced
But she worships me as her 'tuition' king


Glossary: (Mostly Hokkien)
- Ang Hae: red prawn

- chor lor: not graceful
- Cheh Phoay Kia: green skin kid
- macham (Malay): behaving like
- sam seng kia: gangster kid

- lew Lian: durian
- Chup Yit Lao: eleven storeys  - ganja: Heroin (drug)
- pai kuah: ugly (lit: don't look nice)
- Ang Bak Kia: red flesh kid (durian); also 'red eye kid'
- Kan Bao Hung (Cantonese): sure kenna booked
- lao: old
- sibeh: very 
- chope: to book before
- Cheh Phoay 15: Green skin No. 15 (as in KTV Girl No.15)

Working in Singlish can really mess up the grammar! ;-)

Tuesday, 27 May 2014

An Apron Gift

My apron is new
I've yet to wear
It's given of love
And I'm afraid it will tear

So I cook without one
Mindful of spills and leaping oils
Wondering when's a perfect time
To put it on and have it spoil

Then junior came
After a fantastic meal 
Turns me on
Turns my missus on, better still

Still the apron hangs on
Like a new suit in the wardrobe
Or like a silent mother in law
Reminding of how a husband could

Make his darling wife feel loved
Make his growing son feel safe
Make his pretty home a refuge
Make his Private Kitchen a slave

For home's not a home
Until the kitchen is broken in
For home is only a home
When folks start to dine in

I love the banter
I love the food I cook
Better yet I love
The people who enjoy my food

So, apron or not
Whatever it may think
I will pare, chop and sous vide
Embrace my cooker to the kitchen sink

For when the apron is new
The recipes will never grow cold
So that's the gift my true love gave
Our love to remain new till we are very old

- by TC Lai (a poem inspired by a D Woo clamour, SBM member)