I Bought A Secondhand Diary
I bought a secondhand diary
Because I was just too fuck lazy
To pen down thoughts for the day
What the rain might mean
Running down the window pane
Or wilted leaves dancing in the wind
I bought a secondhand diary
Thinking to be somebody else
Who had lived a life quite extraordinary
A mountaineer who scaled The Seven Peaks
Or a diver who lunged the darkest deeps
Or a prostitute who gave out Veteran Day freebies
Oh, what stories she might tell
Of men who braved bullets in a Man-made hell
Of men who cum and weep and open-eye sleep
I bought a secondhand diary
Wondering who had held the pen
Was it a man or woman or gender-bend?
Wooing a pretty wife or handsome man
Deciding if, indeed, you were born to bend
Forever keeping closet secrets from family & friends
I bought a secondhand diary
It came with a pretty bookmark
Did that person's life ended or upended hence?
To that page I turned
And was greeted by a script
So elegant and poised, and dignity-filled
"I too had bought a secondhand diary
And compared it to my new blank one
I had not a wit, how to write one sweet
"Haphazard was the old, and bunchy
Stuffed with notes and pictures aplenty
Scribbled over lines and margins... as if life on-demand
"It was a fascinating collage
For which my life can never be
Getting messy, crazy and rules-bound free?
"I soon wrote into my new expectant diary
And decided to live my life... A little free"
I did buy that secondhand diary
And bought a new one too
Hoping someday I might give someone pause
That living the lie of a life
Might be pretty quick and easy
Impresses no one but the reader he
But I look at my new diary
With its blank pages beckoning me
Do I still have a life to script and explore?
Though my hair is white
And my nails thick and hard
And veins a little too blue and angry
I need, I need, to forge ahead
To leave this world a thing
Even if it is a half-written diary!
For a reader to continue the journey
Especially one who's thinking...
Of buying a secondhand diary
- TC Lai
