My Muah Chee Babe

I love my muah chee babe
No, no
She is not a blob nor is she jello

She is tall and soft at the sides
As a matter of fact, she is soft all over

Like muah chee.

And like muah chee, 
She has got me stuck

Stuck like a lovesick puppy
Stuck like a lovelorn Romeo
Below a balcony

Wondering when
His Juliet will appear

When they will spend an eternity
Together

My muah chee babe
My sweet dessert
My sweet sweet love. 

- by TC Lai

Li'l Branded Me

Big brands stay, small brands go
Small money grows, big money blows
On Chanel, Prada, Ferragamo...
Shud I buy or shud I go
Oh Chanel, Prada, Ferragamo...
My heart is tempted,
My mind says no
Oh my, Chanel, Prada, Ferragamo...
Aiyoyo, aiyoyo...
Go to party cannot no show
These Chanel, Prada, Ferragamo...
Die in coffin
Slowly decompose
I still think of my
Chanel, Prada, Ferragamo...
Too expensive to burn,
They were pawned to gold
My fondest Chanel, Prada, Ferragamo...
Over to the casino
My kids did go
All that money lost
In one single throw
My poor Chanel, Prada, Ferragamo...
Still shiny new with a brand new glow
They seem brighter
Than my kids, you know
Alas, I spent all my money on Chanel, Prada, Ferragamo...
When I shud have spent
On kids and their school
They would have remembered me like gold all told
More than any Chanel, Prada, Ferragamo...

- by TC Lai

The Sum of Us

It took us all a while to say "yes"
To find a date, a place... to get some rest
One with calm seas and infinity pools
Of guys with hot bods to make us drool

So we girls are finally here, the sum of us 
Through thick and thin, thru smiles and tears
A bond of strength, a bond of care
A bond of now, whatever the devil may dare!

For now we let our hair down, skirts a little up
Ooh, those knees, so long covered a li'l rust
Can they do any bidding tonite when the music's hot
When the cares of home, kids, work... bother us not?

Arm in arm we giggle and trot
Like girls we've become when school is out
Oh, what shall we do where can we go?
Now the reins are free, much mischief we can brew

Oh dang, too much of the rot has set
The mind is blank, a greyish slate
Like the roots of our hair burnishing white
Like the spots on our faces now ever so slight

Where have all our youth disappeared to
Where is our joie de vire, sexy do? 
Like a wet dog we shake ourselves up
Until hairpins drop, hair's messed up!

"Girls, let's get to a salon, a nail parlour!
A makeover is what we need, each a different color!"
And so off we went, the sum of us
Old clothes, old selves but brand new thirst!

This holiday place may look terribly welcome
The sea, the beach, the boys, the rum
But truely what is needed is a brand new sense
Of self and belief - to break all pretense

That back home is all that we can be
That back home is this need to be busy busy busy
Well, that "back home" is now a distant sway
For once, this person inside is coming out to play!

- by TC Lai (on an idea suggested by Sally (and Lucy!))

A Case of New

Virgin jokes, virgin smiles

Virgin hooker tries to coax my virgin pants down

Virgin recipes, virgin meals
Virgin cook caused my virgin tummy to not sit still

Virgin cork, virgin wine
Virgin bottle turned me into a virgin swine

Virgin looks, virgin frowns
Virgin artist color me up like a virgin clown

Virgin hems, virgin sews
Virgin dress me up like a shapeless throw

Virgin strums, virgin plucks

Virgin music an ukulele with not much luck 

Virgin smiles, virgin grins
Virgin suffers from a severe case of silly mygrin

Virgin winks, virgin knows
Virgin goes thru life like a virgin crow

And guess what? That's mighty virgin fine too!

*mygrin - opposite of migraine. To be struck with a silly grin all of a sudden, and one that takes a while to go away!

Dirty Dick

Dirty Dick digged and found a dict

Trying to understand his name

For what is a Dick when called a dick

Wouldn't you wonder the same?

For a dict's a dict whether back to front

A dick's a dick, no matter which son of a gun

And so digged did Dirty Dick into that dict

And found did, dill, dip, dish and dice

He then saw his name under faint moonlight

And realised its meaning wasn't quite so nice

For a dict's a dict whether back to front

A dick's a dick, no matter which son of a gun

Dirty Dick scratched his head 

Dirty Dick scratched his crawl

So that's why they had all laughed

That's why they had all bawled

For a dict's a dict whether back to front

A dick's a dick, no matter which son of a gun

"Dirty Dick no girl would want!"

"Dirty Dick never washed under the sun!"

"Dirty's Dick is rotted and gone!"

"Dirty Dick's fly is open and undone!"

For a dict's a dict whether back to front

A dick's a dick, no matter which son of a gun

Dirty Dick he undigged the dict

Placed it back where it is hid and snug

No dog should dig nor doggerel it

The dict that gave Dirty Dick his newfound drug

For a dict's a dict whether back to front

A dick's a dick, no matter which son of a gun

"A word a day is what I need

From A-Z and there back again

But first a new name is in order

No more jokes, no more pain!"

For a dict's a dict whether back to front

A dick's a dick, no matter which son of a gun

Dirty Dick then jumped into water

He scrubbed and he doubly rinsed

He took soap to his nether regions

And washed his dirty dick clean

For a dict's a dict whether back to front

A dick's a dick, no matter which son of a gun

"Look look, Dirty Dick's clean!" they say

"What a whistle! Look at him gleam!"

Dirty Dick smiled and coolly announced

"I am dirty no more, I am clean!"

For a dict's a dict whether back to front

A dick's a dick, no matter which son of a gun

"Dirty Dick is my name no more!"

"Call me Webster Web or Thesaurus Dict"

"A word a day is my proposed cure"

"Webster T Dict, is a dict I dig."

For a dict's a dict whether back to front

A dick's a dick, no matter which son of a gun

"He's Webster Dict, Webster Dict!"

"Never seen a more wetter dick"

"Wetter Dick, Wetter Dick..."

"Jumped into the river to wash his dick!"

For a dict's a dict whether back to front

A dick's a dick, no matter which son of a gun

Moral of the story: Dig a Dict but Wet no Dick. A Wet Dick Did Dirty Dick no Decent Deed. Nor Did Web the Dict even if Dick Digged Dict so Dick is Dirty no More! 

Yoga Is Fun

Yoga yoga very fun

Bend down over kiss my bun
Cricked my neck got stuck like that
The whole class laughed, sneered, clapped

Stuck like that, stuck like that

Stuck like Monkey
Wearing his butt for a hat!

Yoga yoga very fun
Lift my leg and touch the sun

Kneed my eye and got black eye
The whole class laughed, all teary eyed

Banged like that, banged like that
Banged like bat
Flying into a two-inch crack!

Yoga yoga very fun
Sit on floor no need t'run
One leg here one arm there
Someone's arm, someone's hair!

Twisted like that, twisted like that
Twisted like pretzel
Me, you and who's that?

Parent

A thousand miles our fathers walk;

A thousand clothes our mothers wash;
So to put meats on the rack;
Clean clothes on our backs.

Nary a reward they ask;
Nary a complaint they voice;

The smiles of their children their joy;
Their laughter a soothing oil.

Till bones bent and muscles weak;
They see them marry and babies born;
So their mantle they pass it on;
And hum life's splendid retiring song.