Nian Gao Hao (年糕好)

A sweet note to go with the nian gao:
You are my nian gao
Good enough to eat
You are my nian gao
To you I'll always stick

You are my nian gao
"Nian nian dou hui hao"
You are my nian gao
"Ren sheng mei de liao"

You are my nian gao
Other things "bu yao"
You are my nian gao
"Mei ni wo bu de liao!"

*****

You are my 年糕
Good enough to eat
Your are my 年糕
To you I'll always stick

You are my 年糕
年年都会好
You are my 年糕

人性美得了

You are my 年糕

Other things 不要

You are my 年糕

没有你我不得了

*****
You Are My Nian Gao
(or Ten Hours Steaming Up In The Red Room)

(Sung to Your Are My Sunshine)

You are my nian gao, my sexy nian gao
You make me happy when I frown
You have a Red Room and some odd 'brooms'
You are truly 50 Shades of Brown

The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping
You were in leather that's so tight
You hooked a finger, say "Come on lah, dear"
And you kept me in handcuffs all night!  

You are my nian gao, my sexy nian gao
You liked naughty and I got snookered
Sometimes you whipped me, at times you slapped me
You surely don't follow the Missionary's book

The other day, dear, as I lay in my tighties
And wondering who was in that mask
Is it my nian gao, or is it that chwee kueh?
Who likes to lick my toes and laugh

You are my nian gao, my sexy nian gao
You liked creepy and I got spooked
So please my darling no more surprises
I like my nian gao the way it is cooked


I like my nian gao the way it is cooked

- by TC Lai
Note: Do you know that it takes 10-12 hrs of streaming to make nian gao??? Wow.

Of Leeks, Geeks, and Plumbers

There was a geek who loved leeks
And went to inquire some
A man sent him to the market
And said, "Geek, you be discreet
"Or leeks you will get none!"

Now it is CNY
And everybody knows
A leek here a leek there
And soon the price of leeks blows!

The geek was glad for he so loved leek
And to the market he went
When the man he sought
Was surrounded by cabbages of sorts
He asked, "Er, I'm here for the leaks?"

The man, he looked an Assange
Hair flopping to one side
"You want leeks or leaks
You better be sure
For there is no return
When a goverment is out to censure!"

"I've been stuck in that embassy
For God knows how long
Started talking to typewriters
Like that Castaway 'Volleyball' Tom"

"So my advice is to forget leaks
And take instead this pomelo
It will ward off all evil
That can turn you into a much hated fellow"

"Hiaz, I wished my guys hadn't leaked
But instead made a big deal with leeks
At least we could still sit around
Play online games like a bunch of geeks

Just then a plumber passed by
"Hey, I hear there are leaks.
Can you point me the way?
A leak to mend is all I seek!"

Assange Man was livid, he was red
And off he stomped to his hideaway nest
"What's his problem?" the plumber asked
Isn't he the master of leaks, the best?"

The geek he picked up some leek
And shook his head quite sadly
"Yes, he's that geek with the leak
But now he's forgotten rather badly"

"Here you go, Plumber Man
Take some leek and head on home
Forget you've seen Assange Man
His leaks, geeks and hacking tome"

"Hang the leeks up the eaves
And say a silent prayer
Count long your blessings 
That you are a plumber and not that fella!"


- by TC Lai, 16 Feb 2015

Got this for my mom to cook and hang. Auspicious for CNY. wink emoticon Apparently 蒜苗/大蒜 is like 算, which is "count" in Chinese. Count wealth in the new year. wink emoticon Some call this Chinese leeks.

Bag with amalgamated word of 招财进宝 (Hailing Wealth, Enter Treasures) 

Pomelo are displayed during CNY and Mid-Autumn Festival. They 1) Ward off evil (yau); bathe with pomelo leaves infused water to cleanse oneself.2) Pomelo round, as a symbol of reunion 3) Shaped like a women's derriere, so symbol of fertility (many children).

Eyes Got Stamp

When you are near
I walk into glass
Step into poo
I stutter
Like in King's Speech
Befuddled like Mr McGoo

Why is this so
When you are near
I am all "seven-hands-eight-legs"?
Can't hold a glass
Grip with chopsticks
I am sure to act
Like a nerdy dick

Oh, why oh why
When you are near
I almost lose my life
Crossing the road
When traffic I should be watching
Instead it's you I am admiring

Oh, why...
When the sun shines bright
There's a halo I see 
Angelic above your head
When it is dandruff fluttering up
I imagine it to be fairy dust

It must be 
Bak jew tak stamp*
Bak jew tak stamp

For when you are
Bak jew tak stamp
There is but one cure

Bite the bullet 
Profess your love
Then follow her after the loo
That's when you'll know
She's like the rest of us
Depositing stinky stinky poo

Unless it is wrapped in ribbon
Then she is a rare rare find
Probably Elvish in her blood
All fair, noble and clean
For elves visit no toilet
As Tolkien has let us to know
Only Dwarves stink up the world
With their yellowed pee snow

So, this Valentine's Day
Be wary of her presents
If it comes in a box
With stuff tied up in ribbons
Even if it looks great like chocolate
Even if it looks great like bonbons

Run away, run away
But since you are 
Bak jew tak stamp
You'll probably think them 
Gold like Ferrero Rocher
Gulp them down mightily
Without shame, without care

Mighty is the veil of ardent love
Mighty is the dart of First Love
For bak jew tak stamp
Is bliss to be enjoyed
A bliss to wish
A stamp you'll never have to courier off 

- by TC Lai on Valentine's Day 2015 *"Bak jew tak stamp" is Hokkien for eyes stucked with stamps, i.e. to be blind with love. ;-)

When You Are Near

Liked the picture, got inspired to write this poem. Is it about a challenging love? Or is love blind? Heheh. ;-)

You can just send this picture and say, "You make my heart bright bright!"