Next Time (or Trying The Manual on Romantic Love)

1. Line Up Chocolates to the Belly Button
Which direction, I had to ask
How kinky do you want to be?
So I tried it on myself
I bent, they all fell down
I had to eat them off the floor

Next time: Lick the chocolates first

2. Nibble on Ear
Animal, Vegetable or Opposite Sex? I had to ask
The cat scratched my face
The corn had to be cooked
The gal gave me a slap when I drew blood

Next time: Try on stewed pig's ears first

3. Pen a Poem
I love your eyes
They are as big as your knockers
I love your nose
They flare up like carburettors

I love....
She crumpled the card and threw it in my face

Next time: Compliment her ass ('As big as a car wash?')

4. Buy Her Flowers
She said she loved white
So I bought her white chrysanthemums.
Go and die, she said.

Give me a chance, I said
Buy me something orange.
So I bought her Day Lillies
They killed her cat.

Next time: Buy her plastic flowers

5. Cook Something for Her
Cooked her wagyu steak
She said she was vegetarian
Made her ice cream
She was lacktose intolerant
Baked her a cake
She said she rather have salad
Made her salad
She said she wanted rojak, not Caesar's

Next time: Get her a Kopitiam voucher

6. Walk Along The Beach
They say to find a moonlit night
When the stars are out
And the waters sparkly
And the sand smooth
First, she stepped into a pothole
And sprained her ankle
When she fell she gashed herself on beer bottle glass
Lying there she got swarmed by sand flies

Next time: Try the pool

7. Read in front of a Fire
It was cozy, the fire was kindling
Throwing gentle highlights onto her cheekbones
Also cinders into her hair
It burst into a ball of flame
And sent her running, into the snow
She fell head-first into the flaky ice
Like an ostrich in the sand
I ran after her but slipped and
Buried my face into her derriere
And found hair - not singed

Next time: Skip fatt-choy during CNY

8. Dedicate a Song on the Radio
I picked the station
Selected the song
And decided on the time
I even prepared the dedication note
Everything was perfect until
The radio DJ said her name wrong

Next time: Send her an sms and an iTune

9. Buy Her a Dress
Bought her a dress
She said it was a size too small
Am I saying she's fat?
Bought her another dress
She said it was a size too big
Was it meant for another girl? she said
Bought her yet another dress
She said it was the wrong color
Bought her a scarf
She said it made her look old
Bought her a cheong sam
She said I mock her
Bought her a sarong
She said I implied she was a slut
Bought her cloth
She said I was not sincere

Next time: Bring her to H&M and just pay

10. Go to a Movie
Bought the tickets
For plush seats
Bought the gourmet popcorn Garrets
And champagne wine
The lights dim
A man named Joker came in
Threw smoke and opened fire
She screamed, I screamed
She looked a mess, I looked a mess
She's not speaking to me ever again

Next time: Rent a dog and DVD

- by TC Lai

Cat

Cat, you came into my life unexpectedly
You were stray

But you won over my affections quickly
You were loving

And you were trustful
To let me hold

You followed me by my heels
From the ground floor to the 13th

You didn't even flinch
When we walked into the lift

You looked at me as if to say
"I am ok with you, right?"

Right you were, creature with
The sweetest smiles

Eyes that shine with intellect
A tail that hugs with affection

You were smart and learnt quickly
How to travel up and down

You were often absent at night
Curious you were, an adventurer you were

On the evenings when we  went out,
People were curious

No leash? they'd say;
Wouldn't she run away?

Nope, I would reply
And surprise then writ large on their faces

Children were always attracted,
Some shy to approach

I would teach them the right way
To say hello to a cat, to a dog

For to them a sniff is like a handshake
A pat unannounced like a threat

But around you, Cat
There's always kindness from children

Also unbridled joy
Unconditional love

Alas, things have to come to an end
It could not last

My old-time sinus betrayed me
Telling me with each sneeze

That our time together would be short
That this is not meant to be

How can this be when I am never like this?
Does age make one susceptible?

So a new home I found you
A new owner who loved you just as much

But I wonder, as a parent might wonder
If that child remained how my life might turn out

It still pains, but the happy memories remain
I sit on the same bench and recall

Cat, wasn't that a lovely walk?
And you would look up and beam: 'Yes!'

It's all the pleasure I ask
Cat, I miss you

- by TC Lai

[This poem is inspired by the painting (above) United and In Harmony by Juan Carlos Munoz and my own experience with a lovely kitten that I had fostered for a short while.] 

Mother Seed

They said f*** my face
I said no need
I've got seeds already

Seeds that will not grow into hatred
Seeds that will not ravage the land on which they stand
Seeds that will bear fruit to feed, not industrialise

As I speak, seeds fall out
Plantlings grow on the spot
They are my thoughts
There, up one rises
She is frightened, of what?
Poachers?
She is of torns, wary - to keep them away
My thoughts. But will it work?

I worry about the oceans
When fishes leave to never return
The whales echo, unimpeded
Voices swallowed by darkness
Where are the peoples of my sea
Why are the playgrounds silent?

A child springs forth
She is of vines, of scales
Her eyes are wide with fear
Of a net, a hook, a very loud noise
She is rooted, she cannot run
Only to wait... in fear

I cough, the air smells funny
A seed drops
This child, she is weak
She does not rise, but lies on the floor
She writhes, thrashes. Where's the sun?
Where's the water?
Where's the air?

I shake my head in disbelief
More seeds fall out
And yet some more

The children rise, of this and that
Soon, I am surrounded
by a forest of young plantlings
murmuring, muttering
Creating a hum of noise
of dread that rises to a crescendo

It shrinks me

I fall to the ground an empty gourd
Swarmed by my children...like ants
I'm seedless, dry, worn

I now walk weakened in that gourd shell
My children's voices rumbling on the other side
I am small
I turn a corner
And there she is...The ocean
Blue, bright, salted with life
Bordering her, a verdant forest
Birds flit in noisy harmony
Trees, tall - majestic

A stream runs by
It is clear, sparkling
I stoop to take a drink
It is fresh
I feel it emptying into me
Filling me up
Like my own blood would

I sit
A gourd in my hands
It softens
Flesh appears
then seeds

I think and a seed drops

- by TC Lai

(Poem was written after seeing Alicia de la Campa's artwork for the first time (pix above). Such lovely rhetorical pieces.)