My office had a staff of 20
Now there's only five
When I complained to my boss
He said we have to "bao sua bao hai"
But but but...I protested
My plate is full!
"Then go toilet pang sai
Plate sure can take a few!"
My boss thinks he is witty
But he is actually miserly
When I am on the phone long
He'll ask if "local or IDD?"
Die lah, like this how to work?
Got brain no hands no leg
Got idea also think twice
Cook chicken gotta lay own egg
Boss says boh pian liao
When the young don't even try
Work got stress only
They tweet and say bye bye
The FTs are no better
Taichi masters in disguise
Give instruction take one year
Pretend cannot understand us guys
So Boss says work hard and smart
Or else I surely will be replaced
By a robot fella with quad-core brain
All arms, legs... but no face
They now drive our trains
Fry our Chinese fried rice
What else more in the future?
Hmm, can't be very nice
So while I am still able
I will show I can juggle ball
In this new environment
One must 'One Leg Kick All'
We must bao sua bao hai
We must one leg kick all
It's the new productivity paradigm
encouraged by gahmen some more
Who ask us to complain complain
Of too many FTs in our midst
Now gahmen limit their quota
We have to clear our own sh**
Hiaz, work work till sick
Got MC also cannot take
Might as well auction off
Some money I can make
My baby son I hardly see
From early dawn to late night
Will I die in this cubicle
His baby photo my only pride?
Oh no, department meeting soon
Where are the last meeting minutes?
Oh yes, I have to write those
Photocopy as well as other deeds
Hmm, one leg kick all
It is making me lose weight
So this regime is not bad after all
Shedding all that stuff I sinfully ate
Bao sua bao hai
SBM now my only joy
Coz stuck in my cubicle
That's the real food I can enjoy
Oh, star moon sun
You are now a tube of light
My bed is the office couch
The vending machine my food bribe
Oh dear oh dear
Meeting time is due
Who is that chairing the meeting?
Oh, it's our new tea lady Ah Kew
Bao sua bao hai
One leg kick all
Bao sua bao hai
One leg kick all...
- by TC Lai (Note: "Bao sua bao hai" is Hokkien for take hill take sea, i.e. everything also your responsibility.)
The man sees the hand-holding
And wonders the degree of love
He sees the locking of lips
Are they really two lovey dovey doves?
He sees them pause
And look into each other's eyes
He sees them touch heads
And he wonders why
He then sees the tears flow
And he is alarmed
He sees the imminent parting
And he wonders of distant times
What has passed
That caused the couple so
What has happened
That caused this scenario
But alas the hands reach out
Drawing again the two near
As cheek touched cheek
Tears from Dear to Dear
Dear, he seemed to say
Dear, she seemed to whisper
Us, is that the desire?
Or I, a couple going singular
The man he watches
And he is enthralled
The man he surmises
Going through his daily ritual
The couple soon walk away
Hand in hand as leaves fall
The couple has decided
To stay together after all
- by TC Lai
They have different names
but both are cousins
One in Sing, one in Malaysia
Hailed from an Indian province?
They liked rubbing sugar
All over their bods
And each bathed rather different
Dipping in a different sauce
They flatten out rather nicely
hugging stuff to keep
An egg, a banana, a sausage
And even single-slice cheese
So even if one cousin
Is Prata
And the other Canai
Hey, no hoo-hah
We all like our roti cuz
No matter the hour
No matter the ghee also
Only begging to savour
The same fabric of flour
flattened and smashed
And flipped like a casino coin
Itself resembling cash
Canai dollar, prata coin
Call them what you will
As long as tasty
And not too small, like a pill
- by TC Lai
I loved a girl
Who offered me much
First a raisin
Then a fleshy nut
I wondered why
She was being nice
And then she
Offered me something spiced
Ooh, I cooed
Is this going far?
She then interrupted
And gave wine from a jar
Oh man, I said
Inside my head and tipsy
This girl is doubly
Intoxicatingly lovely
Chew on this
She commanded and grinned
Hmm, is it a lemon peel
Or could it be an orange rind?
She then dangled
A shiny, brandied cherry
All I could do
Was become a helpless puppy
Into this mix
She threw in more nuts
Oh my oh my
I'm dazed, I'm lovestruck
Of course of course
That was not the end
She had to unwrap
A buttered slice with a crispy end
Steeped in molasses
Steeped in wine
Steeped in everything
Gone before that was oh, so divine
And hence from this one night
Into memories it did bake
All that I love to savour
And found inside a rich fruitcake
- by TC Lai
The last Monday of January
Is Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day
The thing with bubble wrap is
There is not need for imagined play
Just pop pop pop
To your hearts content
Like a cat with yarn
No need to pretend
There's no explaining why
We bubble-pop happily so
Grinning like little kids
Who will never grow old
So before the day is out
Grab a piece of BBwrap
Pop out a few
or else you'll regret
That on Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day
You missed the chance
To behave like a 4-yr old
Popping the pop and fairying a happy dance!
- by TC Lai (just for a lark, heheh)
2014 Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day: 27th January
Bubble Wrap Game (in case you cannot find any): Click here
(Sung to the tune of Disney's Frozen movie)
The stomach grows cold with a pain that's old
And I'm feeling quite jialat
A bowl of assam laksa and now I gotta go berak
The pain is throbbing like a swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in, Heaven knows I tried
Don't anyhow drink, don't anyhow eat
Be the good boy like mommy said you'll be
Say you're full, don't give in
See what's happening now?
Gotta go, gotta go
Can't hold it back anymore
Gotta go, gotta go
Quick rush in and close the door
I don't care if it's squat or sit
Just dun want the nasties
To bother me anymore
It's funny how Mother Nature
try to make you well again
And the fear of dying is getting real some more
It's time to see what ails me
If po chai yun or charcoal pills can heal
Oh pain oh pain I need a quick remedy!
Gotta go, gotta go
My bowels got wind and sai
Gotta go, gotta go
Will I die from Cat 5 lau sai
Here I squat, and there I'll sit
Please, flies, don't come bother me
My tubies peristalt out so very easily
One big lump that's no inkblot mystery
A thought of mortality flashes clearly in the pan
Am I gonna to die, that SBM post my last
Gotta go, gotta go
I hope to rise up from this stall
Gotta go, gotta go
That perfect meal is gone
Here I squat, and there I sit
Let the nasties begone, quick!
What??? No toilet paper anymore.
- by TC lai
(Sung to the tune of Disney's movie, Frozen)
The rice grows cold on the oven top
not a soul to be seen.
A kitchen in disarray amd it looks like I'm the queen.
The tummy is growling like a swirling storm inside.
Couldn't keep it in, I just had to...fart.
Don't keep it in, don't let it out
Be a good girl and blame your better half
Hide the MSG, don't let them know
Well, now they know!
Let it go, let it go.
Can't hold it back anymore.
Let it go, let it go.
Welcome Ajinomoto through the door!
I don't care what they're going to say.
Let the rice burn on
The fan jui never bothered me anyway.
It's funny how some stock cube
makes everything taste good.
And the fears that once controlled me, can't get to me at all.
It's time to see what I can do,
Be the Martha Stewart or Nigella Lawson too!
No right, no wrong, no rules for me. I'm free!
Let it go, let it go.
I got the apron and wicked eye.
Let it go, let it go.
You'll never see me cry.
Here I stand, and here I'll stay.
In my kitchen domain
My fire burns through my wok my pot my pan.
My taste buds spiral to the heavens to the ground.
And one thought brings back a recipe or two.
I'm never going back; the past is in the past!
Let it go, let it go.
And I'll cook from the early dawn.
Let it go, let it go.
That kwai-kwai girl is gone.
Here I stand, in the light of day.
Let the storm rage on!
The kitchen oil never bothered me anyway.
- by TC Lai (inspired by an FB Singapura Best Makan post. Thank you, Ada Lyn, and her glutinous rice with chicken dish.)
Frozen, in Diarrhea Pain here.
There was once a man named Logan Goji
Who had a thing about longans and wolfberries
One reminded him of a sweet love
The other recalled a wild dove
In a fine garden of stone tables and tea set
Longan Lady clasped a pipa and said,
"Logan my dear, I play you a tune
Of love and lament and ancient ruins."
Logan sat rapt and listened
As tears fell from his eyes and glistened
"Oh my, this woman's voice is so resonant
Of a profound love that's lost and not forgotten."
He felt as if that love was his
He felt a powerful love he could not resist
Logan could never forget that Pipa Lady Longan
Who plucked a few strings and threw him a loaded gun
Into the garden flew a dove all white and pristine
She settled on the stone table in her beak a red thing
She dropped it into Logan's tea
It bobbled like a heart set on a sea
Logan watched, as the pigeon cocked an eye
That's me set adrift, lost and naked by and by
How did that lovely bird know
Logan asked, as the bird knocked the side of his bowl
He lifted and drank the sea with the tiny heart
It felt soft and vulnerable between teeth that's hard
Burst it did to send a flavour of flower
No longer a love he couldn't devour
Logan then felt a calmness return
No longer feeling a love lost and forgotten
He saw it well the garden, the pipa player and song
He was back to where he once belonged
"This tea with seed is indeed curative
Of visages that could cloud the imaginative
Oh, of what potency had Longan
Was easily defeated by this little berry runt"
And that was how Logan began
To drink tea infused with Longan
To feel the things he could not see
To see the things he could not feel
And savour the moment long
Till a bite of the wolfberry ends the song
For great sight the wolfberry does give
To those mired in blurrish and strangeful deeds
- by TC Lai
