I Bought a Secondhand Orphanage

I Bought a Secondhand Orphanage

I bought a secondhand orphanage
You know, with secondhand orphans
The ones that will wring you with pity
Coz they were leftover butt uglies

I bought a secondhand orphanage
Now thinking what I should do
Should I start a clothing factory
Or one that makes branded sporting shoes

I bought a secondhand orphanage
Thinking it belonged to an Asian large family
But when sister no look like brother
I knew I was suckered into something funny

I bought a secondhand orphanage
Thinking it was property fantastic
A two-storey building and garden of trees
Fruiting oranges that turned out to be plastic

I bought a secondhand orphanage
The pics of which sure looked nice
It was probably taken well before
The war took the kids parents' lives

I bought a secondhand orphanage
Where things are not what they seem
The bedrooms have no beds
And the kitchen has no sink

I bought a secondhand orphanage
With no secondhand matron
She had run off with the caretaker
With promise of a Cebu Island tan

I bought a secondhand orphanage
Full of faces that have never cried
Happily they all crowd round me
Happily they too pick my pockets dry

I bought a secondhand orphanage
Now missing a wallet and passport
But damn am I not having fun
Chasing kids turning crime into sport

I bought a secondhand orphanage
Where we now sit and pant
Butt ugly faces with sweat and dirt
Knowing that I am their only saint

I bought a secondhand orphanage
Plainly now given a second chance
To turn these butt ugly faces
With brains that will someday charm

I bought a secondhand orphanage
That I turned into a firsthand school
Teaching hacking skills to seven year olds
By ten they turn health offical faces blue

I bought a secondhand orphanage
That carries out first-rate hacking jobs
No one is quite safe from us
Behind Anonymous is how we rob

I bought a secondhand orphanage
In a country that was once pretty rural
But the kids fancied themselves Robin Hood
Robbing the rich to give to the poor

I bought a secondhand orphanage
That is now considered Shangri-La
It sits next to a cloud
A center of cloud that is full of data

I bought a secondhand orphanage
That now trades in secondhand info
Data culled by seondhand orphans
Now coldcalling Prime Minister So-&-So

Buy back your data or the info will be sold

I bought a secondhand orphanage, yo

- by TC Lai

One-Person Loneliness Two-Person Fault - 一个人的寂寞两个人的错

Click for Youtube video:

Here's the somewhat literal translation of this once popular song. ;-)

一个人的寂寞两个人的错
One-Person Loneliness Two-Person Fault

说好了一起走
风雨相伴不回头
爱你我愿意去等候
那怕再过几年秋

Say aledy we together go
Wind rain come we will not siam
Think of your big dick so I wait
Wait until CB drop you're never at gate

为爱情孤军奋斗
抛开世俗的信守
相信真爱天长地久
到最后却一无所有

Your love I alone fight
Discarding caution suspecting scam in sight
Thot love will last like day long earth old
One GE gone and you still no show

一个人的寂寞两个人的错
爱她为何还要选择我
注定没结果还许下的承诺
让我深深陷入感情漩涡

One-person loneliness two-person fault
Love another and me you conveniently forgot?
Is it backside itchy or lanjiao jio?
Alas, why I scratch and get hooked!

一个人的寂寞两个人的错
分手虽然是我先来说
又耐何躲的过心痛的折磨
这么多年生活改变却依然难过

One-person loneliness two-person fault
Break-up I say first but you never nod
Now I  kaobeh kaobu each night to cucumber
Tried a volleyball but better with vegetable

为爱情孤军奋斗
抛开世俗的信守
相信真爱天长地久
到最后却一无所有

Your love alone I fight
Macham like Speaker's Corner shouting my rights
Thot love last long long like ABBA song
What All Is Said And Done, you're gone

一个人的寂寞两个人的错
爱她为何还要选择我
注定没结果还许下的承诺
让我深深陷入感情漩涡

Someone litter whole block fault
Step outside kenna hit by chopping block
Kaneenabeh see-liao boh nang zai
Close door cry-cry over kopi-O sui dai

<Bonus lyrics>

Stupid me sompah(x2) love forever
Like govt say give back CPF if ever
Got meh? Hiaz, day long earth old
All I get is the emptiness of one big hole

One-person loneliness Internet fault
I hope Interpol find and have you caught
Put back the thousands I TT-ed over
For a dumb locket with a four-leaf clover

One-person loneliness Alzheimers fault
Potting plants, walking dogs
Or did I just walk the plant, potted the dog?
Do me a favour give me an euthansia shot

*Suck (softly)

I mean, Fuck! (surely)

One-person loneliness two-person fault
Kaneenabeh don't let me catch that bloody sod... (fade)

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Your Perfume is Poison - 香水有毒

Youtube video

Your Perfume is Poison

- 香水有毒

- sung by Hu Yang-Lin
- translated *parody lyrics by TC Lai


Your perfume is poison
Make my tits hard for no reason
Make me cream way down south
And desirous of something in my mouth

Your perfume is poison
Chasing bedbugs onto my pillow
I dream of you as I stupidly scratch
Waking up later to a big bald patch

Your perfume is poison
Lingering over where you've been
And I know you have sinned
Judging by tissues you leave by the sink

Your perfume is poison
Making our neighour dog bark
Getting her all bothered and in heat
And it's not just the four-legged bitch

Your perfume is poison
It has oh--so tainted my nose
I can't even smell my own fart
Can only tell when folks edge apart

Your perfume is poison
No need to get me at "hello"
You got me at first whiff (and sniff)
And now I'm like mourner attached to grief

Your perfume is poison
How am I supposed to let go?
Like totally kenna led by the nose
A morning zombie to coffee and toast

Your perfume is poison
Is there no antidote?
Am I forever tagged your slave
Like that simi Anatehsai gohchap shades

Your perfume is poison
Don't think I will know any better
Take me, take me please
And put me out of my writhing misery

Your perfume is poison
Now my brother wants to know
"Sis, never see you like this before,"
"Can he buy me some from whatever store?"

Your perfume is poison
Is what I tell my brother
It will make even grandmas stalk you
And bak-chew tak star with superglue

Your perfume is poison
The only way to get out is to leave
Buy a one-way ticket to Timbuktu
Find work in some smelly safari zoo

Your perfume is poison
Working thru quantum entanglement
Crossing space-time and orbital ground
You feeling very up, I feeling very down

Your perfume is poison
The only hope is that you drown
In a vat full of wet concrete
And put away like Fukushima radioactive shit

Your perfume is poison
And I'm creaming once again.... (fade)

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