Sup Torpedo

A full bull penis (Sup Torpedo)

Oh Hameed, what did you do?
Took my thing and made Sup Torpedo

Now Daisy the cow is all upset
I was all ready to make her nest

Now calflings there'll be none
No more Happy Hour under the sun

Oh Hameed, you horrid rascal
Took the thing that let me bustle

So an unusual sup you could make
People thinking "Is that snake?"

Now I wander the prairie alone
Staring mournfully at the moon

A ghost of a limb cut from me
Still hinting strongly between my knees

So then, what now brown cow?
That I'm turned from from stud to sow

Farmer John is not a happy man
Seeing his prized bull kenna maimed

So he sought to maketh me whole again
And visits the barn 50 Shades of Jane

A dildo it is called 
And mighty its size and all

Studded here, studded there
Glows in the night like some neon bear

When Farmer John strapped me on
Daisy sweetheart gasped and swooned

I found I could bellow loud once more
Waking creatures from here to Singapore

Hameed I did chase and he stumble
Over him I did stand and angrily rumble

"Hameed, here comes your due!
For turning my sausage into stew!"

Hameed let out a mighty scream
A four-foot dildo making his assacream

From that day onwards no more sup
Just Hameed opening durians selling pulp

For now he has seen the light
Never make sup with a bull's delight

What I now have you cannot eat nor chew
But I could still give Daisy her wanton due

And Farmer John he be praised
For returning this bull his bedroom mace

As for the barn Fifty Shades of Jane
Everybody cast off their bedroom shame

Bought a whip, a harness or a pitchfork
Started masking in overtight Batman frock

Quite a sight to see you will agree
I'm glad I am a bull and not some bedroom sickie

- by TC Lai

(Sup Hameed, Penang Rd, Penang. Photo credit: Peter Yeoh)

Note: No animals were harmed in writing this poem. But I did find a 4-ft dildo in a shop somewhere in Hannover. Lost my way and found myself in a red light district in a green-lit shop. This monstrosity can only be a farm implement, right? Even my Aussie host who lived on a farm was astounded. Afterwards, we did manage to find the Irish pub we were looking for to celebrate St Patrick's Day. In any case, Roald Dahl's My Uncle Oswald is a hoot to read and rather related to bulls and reproductive stuff.  Enjoy! (Sup is Malay for soup.)