I Bought A Secondhand Diary

I Bought A Secondhand Diary

I bought a secondhand diary
Because I was just too fuck lazy
To pen down thoughts for the day

What the rain might mean
Running down the window pane
Or wilted leaves dancing in the wind

I bought a secondhand diary
Thinking to be somebody else
Who had lived a life quite extraordinary

A mountaineer who scaled The Seven Peaks
Or a diver who lunged the darkest deeps
Or a prostitute who gave out Veteran Day freebies

Oh, what stories she might tell
Of men who braved bullets in a Man-made hell
Of men who cum and weep and open-eye sleep

I bought a secondhand diary
Wondering who had held the pen
Was it a man or woman or gender-bend?

Wooing a pretty wife or handsome man
Deciding if, indeed, you were born to bend
Forever keeping closet secrets from family & friends

I bought a secondhand diary
It came with a pretty bookmark
Did that person's life ended or upended hence?

To that page I turned
And was greeted by a script
So elegant and poised, and dignity-filled

"I too had bought a secondhand diary
And compared it to my new blank one
I had not a wit, how to write one sweet

"Haphazard was the old, and bunchy
Stuffed with notes and pictures aplenty
Scribbled over lines and margins... as if life on-demand

"It was a fascinating collage
For which my life can never be
Getting messy, crazy and rules-bound free?

"I soon wrote into my new expectant diary
And decided to live my life... A little free"

I did buy that secondhand diary
And bought a new one too
Hoping someday I might give someone pause

That living the lie of a life
Might be pretty quick and easy
Impresses no one but the reader he

But I look at my new diary
With its blank pages beckoning me
Do I still have a life to script and explore?

Though my hair is white
And my nails thick and hard
And veins a little too blue and angry

I need, I need, to forge ahead
To leave this world a thing
Even if it is a half-written diary!

For a reader to continue the journey
Especially one who's thinking...

Of buying a secondhand diary

- TC Lai