Durian Party Girls

I once met a girl named Ang Hae
Her face was always red and angry
And then there was Ho Lor
She was pretty but rather 'chor lor'

Along then came Cheh Phoay Kia
She macham sam seng kia
Her real name was Chow Ah Lian
But we  all called her Chow Lew Lian

I spent a week with lovely Gan Ja mei
Can't really remember what we did
We just smoked and ate durians
And played siao Jenga with the botak seeds

But guess who would walk in on us?
A girl known as Chup Yit Lao
She's skinny like two bamboo poles
Cause she's having ganja and nothing else

And who can forget Ka Pi Li
She was rather well endowed
But one side big and one side small
Pai kuah like ION Orchard Mall!

Her sister Xiao Hung was much better
Not too big and not too small
Sometimes cannot be too greedy lah
Mouth not big why ask for more???

D2 was a girl we met at disco night
Shakes her head like on Ecstasy
Also makes that "deetoo deetoo" sound
Wah lau eh, like that sibeh scary!

Ms D24 no need say one
Was a girl who blocked our view
Serving beer when we watched football
No Messi, only got mountain view!

Each drinking night we'd meet Ang Bak Kia
Who, I think, never sleeps
Walks around with her eyes red red
I think she should star in The Walking Dead!

My fave companion is Kan Bao Hung
But she can seldom sit beside me
You see, she's a hot hostess at KTV
All the lao uncle chope, I sibeh envy

So I settle for Ms Cheh Phoay 15
Ms Kan's young pretty sibling
She's rather green and inexperienced
But she worships me as her 'tuition' king

:-)

===
Glossary: (Mostly Hokkien)
- Ang Hae: red prawn
- chor lor: not graceful
- Cheh Phoay Kia: green skin kid
- macham (Malay): behaving like
- sam seng kia: gangster kid
- lew Lian: durian
- Chup Yit Lao: eleven storeys  - ganja: Heroin (drug)
- pai kuah: ugly (lit: don't look nice)
- Ang Bak Kia: red flesh kid (durian); also 'red eye kid'
- Kan Bao Hung (Cantonese): sure kenna booked
- lao: old
- sibeh: very 
- chope: to book before
- Cheh Phoay 15: Green skin No. 15 (as in KTV Girl No.15)

Working in Singlish can really mess up the grammar! ;-)

Frozen, In The Kitchen

(Sung to the tune of Disney's movie, Frozen)

The rice grows cold on the oven top
not a soul to be seen.
A kitchen in disarray amd it looks like I'm the queen. 
The tummy is growling like a swirling storm inside.
Couldn't keep it in, I just had to...fart.
Don't keep it in, don't let it out
Be a good girl and blame your better half
Hide the MSG, don't let them know
Well, now they know!

Let it go, let it go.
Can't hold it back anymore.
Let it go, let it go.
Welcome Ajinomoto through the door!

I don't care what they're going to say.
Let the rice burn on
The fan jui never bothered me anyway.
It's funny how some stock cube
makes everything taste good.
And the fears that once controlled me, can't get to me at all.
It's time to see what I can do,
Be the Martha Stewart or Nigella Lawson too!
No right, no wrong, no rules for me. I'm free!

Let it go, let it go.
I got the apron and wicked eye.
Let it go, let it go.
You'll never see me cry.
Here I stand, and here I'll stay.
In my kitchen domain

My fire burns through my wok my pot my pan.
My taste buds spiral to the heavens to the ground.
And one thought brings back a recipe or two.
I'm never going back; the past is in the past!

Let it go, let it go.
And I'll cook from the early dawn.
Let it go, let it go.
That kwai-kwai girl is gone.
Here I stand, in the light of day.

Let the storm rage on!
The kitchen oil never bothered me anyway.

- by TC Lai (inspired by an FB Singapura Best Makan post. Thank you, Ada Lyn, and her glutinous rice with chicken dish.)

Frozen, in Diarrhea Pain here.