Three Dreams

Zhang Xiao Ying - Singapore's original Queen of Ballads

- Translation: (Lyrics are a bit unusual! *wink)

Three Dreams

The first dream
You try to get into my panty
But I was wearing pants
Your hand got stuck in the zipper
All the hair came off your hand

I try to forget you
But the excitement drew me back in
So I wore a bikini the very next day
But you were far far away

Anyhoo I took a selfie of my cooch
And think to whatsapp it your way
But instead I sent it to my father
Who said COME HOME RIGHT AWAY

The second dream
You try to get into my suitcase
We had planned a honeymoon
You were a cheap bastard
Paid for one ticket and a cheap motel room

I try to forget you
But the excitement drew me back in
So I wore the ring again next day
But you were drunk outside the doorway

Anyhoo I wrote a short brief letter
But no paper I could find
Instead I used a tampon and lipstick
And pasted 'BASTARD' up your behind

The third dream
You try to get into my coffin
Seeing I was lying in missionary
Can't you see I'm already dead?
To you even that is secondary

I try to forget you
But the excitement drew me back in
So I left my grave the very next day
But you went and banged Mary from Amway

Anyhoo I left you a mudtrail
That leads to the backyard shed
There I sit with pail and shears
To make you bleed when you next get head

三个梦

第一个梦里
你像抹朝霞
可爱又迷人
飘渺又婆娑
我想追寻你
追寻来作伴
万里迢迢关山难
我想忘却你未语悲先发
醒来时不禁泪满腮
泣无声空惆怅
第二个梦里
你像茉莉花
馥香又秀丽
清逸又多娇
我想追寻你
追寻来作伴
蜂喧蝶舞闹嚷嚷
我想忘却你未语泪双双
醒来时不禁五更寒
肠欲断心彷徨
第三个梦里
你像轮明月
光彩又无私
晶莹又圣洁
我想追寻你
追寻来作伴
天长路远魂飞苦
我想忘却你未语梦惊醒
愿上苍断梦能再续
莫令人催心肝

Autumn Come, Autumn Go

Here's another classic Cantonese song with attempted translation (haha).

Cao Loy Ya Cao Hue (Autumn Come, Autumn Go, Cantonese)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt-DqvMIToc

Translation:

Autumn Come, Autumn Go

Hung hung long long Yip's dick outside my window
Flapping in the wind giving me the chills
The quiet amplify this unholy wait
Drip drip drip later into my uneasy dreamscape

At times it's Leong's scrotum
At times it is Ah Choon's scrotum
Still the dicks swing like windchimes
outside my window

Lay folks ask me why I wait
How I can long for just one dick
I say that's how you surely make
A long distance relationship stick
You cannot just flip a prata
And tuckaway at a naan with sriracha

And when those dicks make you pine
For that other continent swine
You pinch your arm to make yourself numb
The thought of you feeling so dumb
But we women are like that
Part our knees and our hearts are trapped

Chorus
Chow Loy he would come, Chow Loy he would go
(Is that his name? I forget)
Chow Loy he make my tears involuntarily flow
Chow Loy he might come, Chow Loy he might go
Chow Loy will he again make an empty show?
Chow Loy he didn't come, Chow Loy he didn't go
Chow Loy make me read his texts like a widow
Chow Loy shud he stay, or shud he go
Chow Loy sent me a dick-pic and I'm all aglow!


秋来也秋去
- sung by Sally Yeh

红红黄黄叶儿伴我窗
飘他方的你可有着凉
静问为何是你使我等待
怎么要千滴热泪滴进我梦乡
又是凉的秋　愁无尽的秋
知否当你远去后
牵挂到倦透
旁人常问何事要等
怎么可一世不爱别人
自问若忘掉你　都算应份
可惜每当叶落便念你更深
背着人心酸　人如愿相恋
推挡当世界再没秋季再算
秋来也秋去
秋风教人掉眼泪
何时才跟你可重聚
秋来也秋去
要到几多岁
方信你与我早早告吹
秋来也秋去
千千片红叶跌坠
如完成凄美的程序
秋来也秋去　我似秋空虚
只有信会跟你再共对
旁人常问何事要等
自问若忘掉你　都算应份
背着人心酸　人如愿相恋
秋来也秋去
何时才跟你可重聚
秋来也秋去
要到几多岁
方信你与我早早告吹
千千片红叶跌坠
如完成凄美的程序
秋来也秋去　我似秋空虚
只有信会跟你再共对
秋来也秋去　我似秋空虚

Row Boat Cop

RowBoatCop

Row row row my boat
Gently down the stream
Verily verily verily
Life is not what I've dreamed

Row row row my boat
I seemed to have another life
Seemingly seemingly seemingly
I had a kid and a wife

Row row row my boat
I also seemed to have a badassed gun
Boomingly boomingly boomingly
It shot up bad guys nicely on the run

Row row row my boat
My bottom's welded to the deck
Chillingly chillingly chillingly
My bionic dick is always cold and wet

Row row row my boat
Here's the unpleasant thing
Rustily rustily rustily
The salt water's getting into my seams

Row...Row...Row my boat
Oh I'm stiffening mightily
Miserably miserably miserably
I'm left stuck with no WD40

Sit sit sit in my boat
All sunbeat and weather toiled
Bobbingly bobbingly bobbingly
I've become an expensive ocean buoy

- by TC Lai, 24th Dec 2018

A poem written in response to that funny image posted to Science Fiction Singapore FB group. 

Friend, Why So Stubborn?

[Sung to The Sound of Silence]

Hello Ho Ching my old friend
I see you're in the limelight once again
Wearing those same old blouse and pants
Dignitaries must wonder about your fashion sense
And it's a vision that's been badly seared in my brain
It still remains
Why, my dear girl, are you so stubborn?

In fashion halls you walk alone
Critics quietly throw a sartorial stone
Cause you are the PM's wife
They cannot criticise with this fake news vibe
To say how they feel and why you must see the light
With the fashion elite
But my friend, you are stubborn

Probably in the naked light you saw
One ah soh thick at waist and more
So a blouse and pants is best option
No need slim figure for a svelte cheongsam
But you know you at times look like an auntie on a sunday stroll
They look better, I am told
So please, don't be so stubborn

I know it's not tattered nor knitted poor
With slippers made by a MINDS affiliated girl
But you must know we've seen it all before
At dinners ONE, TWO, THREE and FOUR
So can you please mix it up so we need not heave nor throw up
At your sartorial sense
When your salary, can buy you a few Mercedes Benzes

You know it is quite insane
To be out always in same garment plan
What if a waitress wears the same exact garb
You gotta run and hide under a tarp
To avoid the shame you need to think more than just a little bit
Not dress like a robotic twit
So, my friend, why are you so stubborn?

Do you see me wear the same old clothes
At work, conferences or meeting my blokes
There's a time for every choice
A suitable design par for any course
So don't tell me Singapore fashion is such an utter bore
We have MOMA fashions galore
But my friend, you are stubborn

- by TC Lai

Note: Apparently the clutch bag she's holding in the pix is made by an autistic child from a Pathlight school. It is a great thing to do, but why not make it a gift to the other First Ladies?

I Bought A Secondhand Diary

I Bought A Secondhand Diary

I bought a secondhand diary
Because I was just too fuck lazy
To pen down thoughts for the day

What the rain might mean
Running down the window pane
Or wilted leaves dancing in the wind

I bought a secondhand diary
Thinking to be somebody else
Who had lived a life quite extraordinary

A mountaineer who scaled The Seven Peaks
Or a diver who lunged the darkest deeps
Or a prostitute who gave out Veteran Day freebies

Oh, what stories she might tell
Of men who braved bullets in a Man-made hell
Of men who cum and weep and open-eye sleep

I bought a secondhand diary
Wondering who had held the pen
Was it a man or woman or gender-bend?

Wooing a pretty wife or handsome man
Deciding if, indeed, you were born to bend
Forever keeping closet secrets from family & friends

I bought a secondhand diary
It came with a pretty bookmark
Did that person's life ended or upended hence?

To that page I turned
And was greeted by a script
So elegant and poised, and dignity-filled

"I too had bought a secondhand diary
And compared it to my new blank one
I had not a wit, how to write one sweet

"Haphazard was the old, and bunchy
Stuffed with notes and pictures aplenty
Scribbled over lines and margins... as if life on-demand

"It was a fascinating collage
For which my life can never be
Getting messy, crazy and rules-bound free?

"I soon wrote into my new expectant diary
And decided to live my life... A little free"

I did buy that secondhand diary
And bought a new one too
Hoping someday I might give someone pause

That living the lie of a life
Might be pretty quick and easy
Impresses no one but the reader he

But I look at my new diary
With its blank pages beckoning me
Do I still have a life to script and explore?

Though my hair is white
And my nails thick and hard
And veins a little too blue and angry

I need, I need, to forge ahead
To leave this world a thing
Even if it is a half-written diary!

For a reader to continue the journey
Especially one who's thinking...

Of buying a secondhand diary

- TC Lai

Crying Sand - 哭砂

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4YkHQrPt2I

Crying Sand
- Translated by TC Lai

You are my most miserable lan-sai
Make me both happy and scared of tomolo
You said you must be free like stardust
Sometimes get naughty and make me boo-hoo

Rather see me cry-cry
Than boss my "bye-bye"
Really you are more like bak sai
Than stardust in my eyes

You are my most miserable indecision
Giving up the sea is like asking you to die
What's so freaking great about the ocean
"Can eat, can bathe, can shit...
Really really, you must give it a try!"

Aledy hard to come see me
Yet you are always ready to leave me
A handful of sand drop between my fingers
Do I now have to masturbate to be free?

Chorus:
Wind blow come the sand
Gets lodged in my teary eyes
Heng ah, I'm Ubering on this highway so I won't die!

Wind blow come the sand
Gets lodged in my achy heart
At least can clean out those clotty, fatty plaques

Wind blow come the sand
Gets lodged in my foggy mind
Rubbing like sandpaper, an Alzheimer-ridding enzyme

Wind blow come the sand
Oh, how it makes me cry
See, it's been hinted this relationship will never ever fly

You are my most miserable indecision
Giving up the sea is like asking you to die
What so freaking great about the ocean?
"Can eat, can bathe, can shit...
Really, really you must give it a try!"

Already hard to come see me
Yet you are always ready to leave me
A handful of sand drop between my fingers
Do I now have to masturbate to be free?

<Repeat chorus>

We Are Singapore 2018

We Are Singapore (2018 version of the 1987 one)

(or Ngoh Dei Ng Sor  (Cantonese)// We Not Dumb/Stupid)

There was a time when people said
that Singaporeans are smart, and we believed it

There was a time when the place was sui-sui and
awesome-neat, super slick

We allowed bike-share, many and cheap
Let people leave their bikes everywhere
On the streets and up the trees

This is my country, this is my street
This is my future, it's making me sick
This is my family, these are my friends
Tripped by yellow bikes, saboed by dollar rents

Singapore our homeland, this is where we belong
All of us united, to deny those Ah Longs
Who have used this bikeshare, so they could then launder
Millions of unmarked dollars, back to gangs in Hong Kong

There was a time when the place was sui-sui and
awesome-neat, super slick

We allowed bike-share, many and cheap
Let people leave their bikes everywhere
On the streets and up the trees

Chorus:
This is my country, this is my street
This is my future, it's making me sick
This is my family, these are my friends
Tripped by yellow bikes, saboed by dollar rents

(Read)
We the citizens of Singapore
Pledge ourselves to not be stupid people
Regardless of fitness or entrepreneurship
To not perpetuate the same indignity
Based on consideration and common sense
So as to achieve orderliness,
natural beauty and no eyesore to our nation

(Repeat chorus)