Steamed

(Sung to the tune of Frozen - the dim sum version (btw, food terms are in Cantonese ;-))

The steam grows hot in the basket today
not a customer to be seen. 
An eatery in isolation 
who the hell will come and eat?
The burner is howling like a swirling storm inside.
Gosh, I'm puffing up, couldn't keep it in
Please open the lid and peek inside
Take us out and then you know
We are more then just for show!

Har gau so, har gau so
G cheong fun and wu tau go
Har gau so, har gau so
Seu cheng bao and mah tai go
I don't care, what people say
Just put me on a tray and push me around

It's funny how chicken legs 
are often called fung chao
And the pork ribs refer to
some pai kuat sin or saint
It's time they call a spade a spade
so we all know what we have on our plate
No fancy names, no innuendos
We're free

Har gau so, har gau so
Go eat get wind and fly
Har gau so, har gau so
Eat the chilli sob and cry
Here I'll stay, beneath another tray
Let the steam burner rage on

My spoon flurry through my porridge
and drop onto the floor
The waiter picks it up and asks 
if I want some more
A dim sum thought crystallizes into one big bao
I'm never going back, after an Amy Yip Big Bao!

Har gau so, har gau so
I'll rise at the break of dawn
Har gau so, har gau so
That plate of g cheong fun is gone
Here I sit, happy as bird

Let the steamer hum on
Dim sum constipation never hurt anyone

- by TC Lai (another parody song inspired by an SBM post)

A Whole New Kitchen

(sung to the tune of A Whole New World)

I can show you my kitchen
Shining, shimmering, sibeh clean
Tell me sweet yau kui
Now when did you last let your
Stomach decide

I can open your taste buds
Bring you makan to makan

East Coast, West Coast
Or even Sembawang side

A whole world
A new fantastic point of view

No one to tell us 'No'
Or 'Low cholesterol!'
Or say 'Why aren't you slimming?'

A whole new world
A zhichar place I never new

But when the food's up here
It's crystal clear
That I am now eating way
too much with beer

Now I am in a whole
New world with you

Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feelings
Steaming, blanching, deep frying
And powerful stir frying

A whole new world
(Don't you dare 'mai jiak')
A hundred flavors to savor
(Hold your wallet, I will pay)

I'm like a yau kui sia
I've come so far
But sibeh tu lan ah
Uncle stall never open one

(A whole new world)
Every spoonful a surprise
(With new FB posts to pursue)
Every sight, drip saliva sia

I'll chase a 'Like' everywhere
There's no time to spare
Let me share this whole
New world with you

A whole new world
(A whole new world)
That's where we'll be
(That's where we'll be)

Got no more crab
But prawn also good
For you and me

- by TC Lai (another poem inspired by a Singapura Best Makan post)

Frozen, In Diarrhea Pain

(Sung to the tune of Disney's Frozen movie)

The stomach grows cold with a pain that's old
And I'm feeling quite jialat
A bowl of assam laksa and now I gotta go berak
The pain is throbbing like a swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in, Heaven knows I tried

Don't anyhow drink, don't anyhow eat
Be the good boy like mommy said you'll be
Say you're full, don't give in
See what's happening now?

Gotta go, gotta go
Can't hold it back anymore
Gotta go, gotta go
Quick rush in and close the door
I don't care if it's squat or sit
Just dun want the nasties
To bother me anymore

It's funny how Mother Nature
try to make you well again
And the fear of dying is getting real some more
It's time to see what ails me
If po chai yun or charcoal pills can heal 
Oh pain oh pain I need a quick remedy!

Gotta go, gotta go
My bowels got wind and sai
Gotta go, gotta go
Will I die from Cat 5 lau sai
Here I squat, and there I'll sit
Please, flies, don't come bother me

My tubies peristalt out so very easily
One big lump that's no inkblot mystery
A thought of mortality flashes clearly in the pan
Am I gonna to die, that SBM post my last

Gotta go, gotta go
I hope to rise up from this stall
Gotta go, gotta go
That perfect meal is gone
Here I squat, and there I sit

Let the nasties begone, quick!
What??? No toilet paper anymore.

- by TC lai