Pine Ning

I have a love
She is far away

I have a love
She burns yet very near

I have a love
I can't get to

I have a love
I can only warm inside

There is a love
That sits away

There is a love
I imagine every day

There is a love
But what will she say?

There is a love
And will she slip away?

Love is love
No matter where

Love is love
No one can say

Love is love
Coz I deem it so

Love is love
Coz you made me so

The end. - By TC Lai

Poem For An Old Love

To my darling:

When the love has grown old
And ardent kissing has stopped
What is there left to say?
When misshapened bodies in bed
Make spooning awkward
What is there left to say?
When a touch of the hair
Feels coarse and strange
What is there left to say?
When the starlight in our eyes
Has faded and dimmed
What is there left to say?
There's plenty I want to say
And I will say it with a hug
A hug that's long and silent
A hug that burns with the
warmth of my love unsaid.
For today and perhaps....
Till the next bad fart in bed.
- Much love (and advance apologies accepted!)

- by TC Lai

Trying Not To Love You

I am trying not to love you
But each time I see you
My eyes pick you out
My ears listen for your voice
My throat echoes to your laughter
I want to laugh with you

I am trying not to love you
But each time you pass me by
My nose sniffs the air
My skin tingles
My arm reaches out
I want to hold you

I am trying not to love you
But each time you sit beside
My mind is fired up
My thoughts wander to a story
My dreams put you in a special place
I want to start something with you

I am trying not to love you
But each time it is harder and harder
The way your hair dint the light
The way your lips say the words
The way your eyes corner up a smile
The way you are the way you are

I am trying not to love you
But I wonder if I should
Will my love be strong
Will my love last
Will my love blossom you
The way the Sun and Earth nourish someone

I am trying not to love you
But you are not helping at all
You share with me your worries
You say hi when a longways away
You oftentimes touch my arm
The way lovelies sometimes behave

I am trying not to love you
But I wonder if I should put up a fight
When I see you with him
When I see you light up brighter
When I see you do that girly thing
The way I know your heart is pulling away

I am trying not to love you
But my heart tells me where you should be
In this little heart-shaped box I've built
In this little heart-shaped room I've padded
In this little heart-shaped castle I've moated
The way a love had once wandered into

I am trying not to love you
But you are making it very hard

- by TC Lai

What is Happening to Me?

What is happening to me?

I used to see a woman for what she is

Her intelligent eyes; her purposeful lips; and her curious nature

Now, my eyes seek out a svelte bottom; a fluted ankle; a perky breast

What is happening to me?

I know I don't love them less

I know I don't respect them less

I just seem to appreciate them in parts

What IS happening to me?

It does not seem to matter who

Whether she is smart, talkative or soulful; Or careless with her affections

I am drawn, like a man who loves his designer togs, furniture, and gadgets

For in them too exist many planes of beauty seen from near, far, and askew

Really, what is happening to me?

In the past, I would gladly hold on to a woman I could love for an eternity

If I could love her smile, her voice, her little gestures. I could overlook her less than perfect sum

A woman that I would cuddle on a rainy day, tease and doodle

What is happening to me?

That I am now content to wax lyrical of just her and her certain features

That I don't mind her being silent to me, clueless or blank

Has age turned, changed me?

To things just pretty and candy

What's happening to me?

Is this what Second Childhood is all about

Where once I was also taken by things pretty, perky, and sharp?

Of a time that's uncomplicated; that was happy; and yet, oh, so gratifying still?

A time of infatuation

What is happening to me?

That the scent of a woman could draw me along, float me along - drunk

Is it because I am old but young; old and still longing; seeking?

Or am I like a ill old man grasping at pills

A pill that's shaped like a svelte behind; a pill that's shaped like fluted bones

A pill that's shaped like cupped flesh

So that I may live again

What is happening to me?

That I seek such new and strange ways to love

- by TC Lai